I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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