Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
