Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
