Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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