Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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