I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
