By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
