Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
that's an acceptable place to lick
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
