I should be sponsored by Trojan
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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