I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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