I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You ate ashes out of my bong
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
