Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
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