Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
