She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
