She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
