Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
