it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
