You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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