I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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