You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
