I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
