your parents love me but you hate me
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
