considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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