I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
