So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
