we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
