I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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