Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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