so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
the liver wants what the liver wants
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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