He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
