OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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