I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
