I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
