Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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