I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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