So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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