Banned from zoo.
Again?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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