TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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