woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We need to get me chipped asap
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
