we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
