I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
