the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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