so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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