Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
