youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
