Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
