he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
