awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
