well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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