Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
